Superhero Yoga is not for Boys
Some yoga is for girls. Girls’ yoga classes often have names suggesting that the body might be a malleable substance, Fimo-like, waiting to be rolled and reconfigured by by some combination of breathing, stretching and calisthenics (YogaShape, YogaSculpt, Buti, etc).* Any professional shapeshifter will tell you that these pitches skip the most important step in controlling the your body's size. I consulted with a jockey about his secret, and I won’t reveal it, but it begins with “never” and ends with “eat.” I have no time for girls' yoga.
What is boys’ yoga? A yoga nerd would say Ashtanga, which is a far better answer than the kind of yoga I’ve seen advertised explicitly for boys, Superhero Yoga. Why should these poor delicate souls, born with high infant mortality rates, short life spans, and their sex organs on the outside of their persons, be encouraged to wear skimpy costumes and tap into their wild energies? This sounds incredibly dangerous.
I love the Western adaptation of yoga. It’s the only yoga I know. But if we are so willing to admit that we are making most of this shit up from parts that wise men (it's almost all men) scavenged from an ancient tradition (Sutras, Vedas, Upanishads), an antique tradition (nationalist physical culture), and fairly recent innovations (various new age-y self-actualization stuff), why, oh why, must we inject the most backward, sexist bits of contemporary popular culture into it and spring it on the young and impressionable?
I feel like a superhero in my yoga clothes. They are tight, flashy, and sometimes when I wear them I can, for a moment, fly, even if it’s just through my own hands into the next posture. I have a vagina, so you know, it’s easier for me, what with my precious sex organs tucked away, but that’s no reason not to tell little girls that they can feel like superheroes, too. And maybe our sons are a little too precious for that.
*Given this trend, in concert with the increasing demand for hot yoga and the waning popularity of Bikram®, I am in the process of trademarking the following portmanteaus: YogaGlaze®, TerraKirtan®, and Kilndalini®.
