St. Schmatrick's Day
24/03/08 08:39
I
have a St. Patrick's Day show tonight. In
preparation, I've done a little research on this
"holiday." I've come to some conclusions that are so
shocking that I feel it is my duty as both friend and
American to disclose them as soon as
possible.
St.
Patrick's Day is a sham. We've been conned, we've
been tricked, we've been hornswoggled into this
"celebration" by the US government in collusion with
Guinness and the makers of the "Leprechaun" movies. I
realize that by mentioning "Leprechaun" I am
implicating Jennifer Aniston, and that she has
powerful friends. I realize that I am imperiling my
person and possibly my loved ones but, like rock over
scissors, truth must always triumph over
consequences.
St.
Patrick's Day is a conspiracy perpetrated by the US
government in order to cover up national
embarrassments and anesthetize its citizens. Of
course Jennifer Aniston is
involved.
Hasn't
it ever occurred to you that for a holiday that is
allegedly Irish, St. Patrick's Day incorporates a lot
American ideology in its symbols and legend? What
could be more American that the stories of stalking
leprechauns and stealing their pots o'gold? What
other country would glorify terrorizing the little
people until they give up all their
resources?
Isn't
it a little too convenient that when the
underemployed and under-represented take to the
streets it's called a St. Patrick's Day Parade, not a
riot?
Isn't
it strange that when the rivers run green, our
politicians can avoid serious inquiry into the
pollution of our water supply with a simple Erin Go
Bragh?
Isn't
it suspicious that green beer tastes like
piss?
Isn't
it time we rose up as a people, and insisted that our
social unrest, environmental catastrophes, and shitty
beer, be recognized and addressed by our
government?
You
know what I thought when the planes hit the Twin
Towers? Seems a little early for St. Patrick's
Day.
So,
umm, I wish you all a happy St. Patrick's Day. Please
come down to the Cambridge Arms, if you're in
Bordeaux, and see my show. There'll be music, comedy,
and prizes, all sponsored by Guinness!
|